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Aug 30, 2014

Beyoncé's Dad Implies Beyoncé Planted the Divorce Rumors Herself

The calls are coming from inside the house!
Beyoncé's dad Mathew Knowles – one "T" only, and don't you forget it – appeared on a Houston radio show earlier this week, ostensibly to discuss his college course, but really to talk about his famous daughters. According to him, all this divorce talk is just a "Jedi mind trick," presumably orchestrated by Beyoncé to drum up interest in the On the Run tour. "There's a tour going on, so you have to sometimes ignite that tour," Mathew explained. "Everybody's talking about it. Ticket sales went up. Solange's album sales went up 200 percent." When asked specifically if he thought that Bey and Jay wanted the infamous elevator video to leak, Mathew replied, "All I know is the Jedi mind trick." These aren't the divorce rumors you're looking for. Bey and Jay can go about their business.

After sharing that strange little nugget of information, Mathew dropped a totally insane bombshell about Destiny's Child. Proceed knowing that this information came from a man who occasionally speaks about himself in the third person and pronounces "homage" like "home-age," so it's worth reading with a grain of salt. OK, here you go: Destiny's Child is planning another record and a reunion tour. "There might be another Destiny's Child album coming," Mathew said coyly. "There might be this tour that makes history." The DJs then asked him to cough twice if this is really going to happen, and he coughed twice, so he's either speaking the truth or dealing with symptoms from a late-summer cold. Perhaps his repeated references to the Jedi mind trick were just more hints about these alleged reunion shows, and the girls are going to dress up as the Cantina Band for the duration of the tour. Beyoncé is Figrin D'an, obviously.

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